a random thought on life

Whoa is me, lately.

Amazing; how circumstances that once were, are no more; what never existed has been put into place and all that you knew has been turned upside-down, spun and shaken.

A world completely different and unknown (from anything you previously lived in) has taken over and you begin to wonder, am I in the Twilight Zone?


This day to day in which we live, that which we call life, is truly a spectacle. Something to marvel at. The most peculiar form of existence; something so subjective and personal to us yet it is the most alien concept one could conjure up in his feeble little mind.

It's funny, this thing called life.

The Lesson @ my new school

It's been my second day at my new job and I can't believe how much I've changed my outlook on things. I've recently accepted an assistant teaching position, at an early intervention/elementary school here in park slope, brooklyn.

The student's in my classroom, are the most "involved" from that of the entire school which means that they are the most severely developmentally delayed. These kids are between 3-5 years old and have anything from down syndrome - autism, or severe speech delay (one of my kids even has cerebral palsy).

After my first day I was so depressed and upset that this happened. I wondered why it occured & what perhaps the parents may have done differently. I could not bear to see them the way they were and had lost my appetite the entire day. I thought to myself I'm not cut out for work like this... It's just not for me.

But something inexplicable happened to me when I got home on Monday night.

I went for my usual run with ruminations about the aforementioned position I had just accepted and for some reason the kids faces kept popping up in my head. I rememered all their names after just one day, their character and even their individual conditions. I laughed to myself at how cute David looked when he smiles at you, or how charming Nikos could be. I wondered if Alissa would be feeling well enough to come to school on Tuesday. I started becoming more and more intrigued by their "illnesses" and "abnormalities" and by the end of my four miles I was in love! I can't get these kids out of my mind...I'm crazy about them!

After just one day they completely lured me in. I walked in this morning feeling more confident & prepared that the day ahead, albeit filled with surprises, would be a rewarding one. And that it was. Now it's as if I can't picture what my life will be like without them, when the summer program is over and I am gone.

They will be in Kindergarten, and I in grad school, but the lessons these tots are teaching me, I certainly could not find in any textbook.

on friendship (again)

it certainly does hurt much more to lose a friend than it does a boyfriend. perhaps because boyfriends have become so disposable in an era of better-educated, more financially secure, and self-esteemed women; if this man can't handle one, perhaps the next man can; and if he can't either, it's just a matter of time before she finds one who will.

but when it comes to the precarious state of a friendship, how could one start again from scratch? it's difficult to find shelter in someone else's domain, when you've already settled, presently. exposing your idiosyncracies and laughing at stupidity only the two of you could find funny is just as much work as your job provides. it takes time, energy and a lot of trust between two people to finally reach a state of comfortability and cushion. conversly it seems to take a lot less to remove that cushion from a once rock-hard spot.

i think it's a part of life however, to learn that as much as we would not like to admit it, friendship is built on contigency. the contingency that whatever circumstances a friendship is to be based on, must constantly be tested, otherwise it it based on a fallacy or some sort of idealistic notion that in all honesty never existed in the first place.