on friendship (again)

it certainly does hurt much more to lose a friend than it does a boyfriend. perhaps because boyfriends have become so disposable in an era of better-educated, more financially secure, and self-esteemed women; if this man can't handle one, perhaps the next man can; and if he can't either, it's just a matter of time before she finds one who will.

but when it comes to the precarious state of a friendship, how could one start again from scratch? it's difficult to find shelter in someone else's domain, when you've already settled, presently. exposing your idiosyncracies and laughing at stupidity only the two of you could find funny is just as much work as your job provides. it takes time, energy and a lot of trust between two people to finally reach a state of comfortability and cushion. conversly it seems to take a lot less to remove that cushion from a once rock-hard spot.

i think it's a part of life however, to learn that as much as we would not like to admit it, friendship is built on contigency. the contingency that whatever circumstances a friendship is to be based on, must constantly be tested, otherwise it it based on a fallacy or some sort of idealistic notion that in all honesty never existed in the first place.